Can You Teach Someone To Write?

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You know, write. Not as in ‘form letters’ – you can definitely teach that!

Amongst writers, it’s always a bit of a debate – and there are lots of quotes from writing tutors claiming, somewhat paradoxically, that you can’t teach someone to write. It’s the old ‘is it a gift or a skill’? controversy. This article is a discussion with three authors on learning to write and teaching writing, whilst this list of tips from the Scottish Booktrust on getting ideas flowing is useful if you teach writing. They’re designed with a school class in mind but they’d work equally well in any creative writing class.

So what do I think?  Well I think it’s like carpentry.

Carpenters working on wooden drawers

 

No, bear with me. My point is that you can teach carpentry to a group of people and they may all become reasonably competent at joinery and construct perfectly serviceable, well-made cabinets. But will all of them want – or be able – to craft something beautiful? Something that requires inspiration and imagination; that’s off pattern? Or work that has a quality that in some way raises it above the rest?

The answer is – I think – no. And I believe writing is much the same. You can teach most people to string together a grammatically correct, understandable sentence. You can teach them the theory of fluency and flow; about metaphor and simile. But will those ideas come into their head when it comes to imagining a story, and will they be able to translate their ideas into the written word in a way that does them justice? And will they have the staying power to persist until every sentence is polished, or will their work always remain a rough diamond? I’m not convinced they all will.

So what do you think? Can good writing be caught or are some people just gifted?

 

 

What Do The National Lottery & Diabetes Have in Common?

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I’m not keen on November. It doesn’t tend to be a great month for me generally – no idea why! – and all the darkness and dampness don’t help either. But it was nice to go to a firework display without freezing to death, so score a point for that one Nov 2014.

I didn’t write about fireworks for November though; I wrote about diabetes and the National Lottery (not in the same article).  These weren’t random choices. It so happened that the 14th was World Diabetes Day and the 20th birthday of the National Lottery.

I can’t find any handy online clippings of the National Lottery article, but it was a short collection of quirky facts. Did you know, for instance, that  strictly speaking the first National Lottery was held in 1567? It was organised to fund Elizabeth I’s shipbuilding programme and offered a first prize of £5000, but the winner only received part of the prize in money; the rest was in ‘plate’. However much you hope to win in our modern lottery, you might want to avoid picking number 20, as it has made the fewest appearances in the draw.

diabetes

My article on diabetes appeared in Yes Mag, Potters Bar Eye, The Villager and Town Life (Henlow edition), The Local Directory (Apsley & Beaconsfield editions), Malmesbury Connections, The Bournville Pages, Now (various editions),  In and Around magazine (various editions), the Bearsden & Milngavie Directory and the Berrylands Companion.

 

Looking forward to December because I’ve already seen some great clippings! 🙂

 

 

In print: Tea and Coffee – the Good,The Bad and The Ugly

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Whatever else I produce, every month I have a health article published. I write a long version and produce a shorter version too, because it’s syndicated on and some publications prefer a shorter version. They always appear in publications from the Discover Magazine group, but they end up all over the place. I rarely know where, and never get a decent clipping unless I’m published in my local magazine, The Villager and Town Life (which seems to have stopped happening since I’d mentioned to them that they always spell my name wrong. I’m sure it’s just coincidence. Or perhaps it was me asking if I was free to use the article of mine they’d had for three years, meant to be the first in a regular series of historical articles…).

Sometimes a search of the internet will let me see where my literary babies end up.

Villager Henlow Oct14 coverThe Villager Biggleswade Oct 14 coverIronically this month I have been published in The Villager, but in two Bedfordshire editions (loving the covers).

 

And I’ve also been published in Berrylands Companion, multiple editions of Discover Magazine, Thatcham Connections and others including these…

In & Around Iver Oct 2014OneStopLocal Mansfield Oct 14 coverIn & Around Ruislip Oct 14 cover
tea & coffee 1

So it’s all good. The only aggravating thing was that the article was meant to be called ‘Tea and Coffee: The Good, the Bad and The Ugly Truths’ – see what I did there? – but it was edited to Tea and Coffee: The Good and The Bad’, which, being no longer funny, was a really weak title I’d never have used; it made the ‘truth’ paragraphs read a little strangely too. I could have come up with a better alternative title if I’d known they didn’t like the ugly!

But that’s publishing for you 🙂

 

Would You Ask A Plumber To Vaccinate A Cat?

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So back to the sadly neglected blog. You there, wake up at the back!

I can but apologise  and offer no excuses at all. Holidays, busy, blah blah. See? Pathetic. But I was moved to blog by a funny thing that happened last week, while I was in limbo. Not as in shimmying under a low-slung pole and putting my back out, but as in an in-betweeny-state (and yes, that’s a word).

I was back at the coalface with the under-fives, introducing them to the joys of literacy, but on much-reduced hours; the editor for whom I write a regular health column and other pieces was being unusually slow at getting back to me with a yea or a nay on my pitches; a book I’m due to edit for a publisher wasn’t ready for me yet; and the freelance job boards seemed chock full of the most boring, underpaid jobs in the history of… history. I pitched for a job to write about MATTRESSES. Grim. I had a few bits of fiction to be getting on with and not a lot else. Limbo.

But while perusing freelance opportunities I came across a blog about the unusual ways freelance writers have promoted themselves and pitched for work. This info was still sloshing around in the echoing cave I call my brain when a letter dropped on my doormat.

Estate Agent LetterThe names have been eliminated to protect the innocent. But I think you can probably guess it’s one of those ‘sell your house through us’ letters from an estate agent.

Trouble was, it was BAD.

Normally, these letters tell you in persuasive language about how desirable your road/village/county is; what great prices they got for Tom Cobley and all’s houses just down the road; how many eager buyers they have just queueing up to pay megabucks for a house exactly like yours; why they are so brilliant and/or cheap, and what amazing offer they have on for THIS WEEK ONLY.

Not this one.

It sounded more like a business report – one that was guaranteed to send everyone round the boardroom table to sleep. It didn’t promise me anything, or tempt me with anything. It was so STUFFY! “We feel you should consider…” “In the third quarter of the year…”. It also mentioned the name of a special thing they do (which it’s probably best I don’t name), but didn’t explain what it entailed or really meant. Plus it said, mysteriously, that they required properties in Brampton.

Fair enough. Except I don’t live in Brampton.

The trouble is, they’re not writers – they’re estate agents. It’s not their fault. How much training do they get in this area? I’m guessing it varies from ‘not much’ to ‘none’.

So, inspired by earlier reading about other writers who chanced their arm, I spent a few minutes rewriting the letter and then emailed it to the address the estate agents had handily included, along with a cheeky explanatory email entitled: Would You Ask A Plumber To Vaccinate A Cat?

“Well would you?
Probably not.
I doubt anyone would ask me to sell their house, either – or find them a new one – because I’m a writer, so that’s not where my expertise lies.  That’s where your expertise lies….”

etc, etc.

There were four possible outcomes here:1) It would pee them off and they wouldn’t reply. 2) It would pee them off and they would send back a very angry reply. 3) They would reply and say, yes, ha ha, we see what you’ve done there, thanks for your email, now s*d off. 4) They would reply that they were impressed and interested in my writing services.

I’ll be honest. I thought 3 was very likely, closely followed by 1. 2 certainly wasn’t out of the question. 4 seemed the least likely, and that was fine. I’d had a bit of fun with it.

Tense, are you? Wondering what the outcome was?

Just over an hour later, an email pinged back.

EA reply

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I nearly wet myself laughing. But it does prove that sometimes, it pays to be bold when you’re in limbo. Ironically, I’m now out of limbo and have more work than I can shake a stick at. C’est la vie!

If you freelance, have you ever done anything a bit cheeky or mad in order to get work? Let me know! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

De-stressed by The Teenage Guide to Stress

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A new book coming through the post is always a reason to celebrate. But when it’s on your mat when you get home from an unexpected and rather stressful stint at work, it’s even better. And when it’s a book you’ve won – and it’s a good’un! – what could be better?

Not a lot (yes, that’s the right answer. You can put your hand down at the back). Coming home to a signed copy of Nicola Morgan’s The Teenage Guide to Stress on Monday was a great start to a busy week, and as you’ll see…

Teenage Stress

… Nicola sent three lovely signed postcards too, featuring her book covers; one for me and one each for ArtyDaughter and ConstructoBoy. I asked for the book to be signed to them because, well, they’re teenagers. I thought it might be very useful for them. ConstructoBoy was alerted to the book’s presence by TechieHusband muttering approvingly about it as he turned it over in his hands.

ConstructoBoy (glaring, jaw twitching, fingers drumming an irregular beat on the table): What? Why have you got us a book on teenage stress, hmm? So what are you saying? That I’m STRESSED?

Walks off stage, grinding teeth.

I jest. That’s artistic licence gone mad. He did make a fake unimpressed noise, though, and asked why I thought he needed it.

Of course, nobody needs a book on stress solely because they’re a teenager – and it’s not only teenagers that may need a book on stress, either! But I’ve already had a dip into several sections and read enough to know that firstly, it’s really good and full of sound, non-judgemental advice – I found myself nodding a lot – and that secondly, I wished I’d had a book like it when I was a teenager. When I was a teen, I didn’t know that I was stressed, but looking back, I’m not sure how I survived with my marbles intact (always open to debate, that one).

I do remember saying once that I wanted to go to the doctors because I thought I might be suffering from depression. I was asked what on earth I had to be depressed about. I didn’t mention it again.

Hopefully any teens out there experiencing similar problems to those I had (problems that unfortunately I can’t really go into here) will borrow, buy or download this book and not only be reassured, but steered towards getting the right information and help too.

The Teenage Guide to Stress is my favourite kind of non-fiction – the kind that genuinely helps, informs and makes the world a teensy bit better. If you want to scoop up a copy for yourself, try your local bookseller, or WHSmith, Waterstones, Play.com, the Hut… or those other South American river people if you must. You know who I mean.

If you’re in the Peak District, you could pop into the lovely Scarthin Books, which I wrote about here, to buy a copy. In the Marches/Herefordshire? Then pootle along to Aardvark Books instead (recommended here). You’ll get a warm welcome at both places and delicious food, too (plus, probably, several other books you didn’t budget for). What more could you ask for?

 

Back to the Batcave

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Apologies for my long absence. There were a few issues with the site hosting. Happily these are now resolved, but they meant I never did get round to XYZ in the A to Z blog challenge; really sorry about that. Next year I promise to try and do the whole alphabet, but this time the omission was due to events beyond my control.

File:Townsends in music hall.jpg
Photo by Dave Bunnell

In the mean time, here is a picture of a batcave. See? And you wondered where I was going with that…

Bats, it turns out, are  trogloxenes. Trogloxenes are species that use caves, but don’t spend their whole life cycle inside one. The things you learn from searching for a random bat cave picture…

These cuties are Townsend’s big-eared bats, hangin’ with their buddies in a cave in California.

Hangin’! Get it?

Ahem.

The next post will have less puns and more purpose. I promise.